Before I begin this post - I just want to say, this is NOT a rant - or at least it's not my intention…BUT…
:)
I've started feeling the cultural clashes of late…
I have always grown up contending with different cultures - being a British-born-Chinese (BBC) it wasn't always easy to maintain a balance between the two, I do not (think I) lean to any one culture more but know that they are both part of me. Throw into the mix being Christian and that certainly spices up the cultural battles. Yet there are things that I guess I have taken for granted as being 'the norm' or simply being courteous - but that's just not the case across the world…so I have found...
I come from a culture of, ‘you do not give to receive’ yet what happens when you keep giving till you are empty? What happens when the request, ‘give me…’ just wears thin and you find yourself snapping at the next poor and apparently innocent soul who asks you to ‘give me money?’ (My favourite retort at present is - 'no, you give ME money' - people don't quite know how to respond to that one!)
:)
I've started feeling the cultural clashes of late…
I have always grown up contending with different cultures - being a British-born-Chinese (BBC) it wasn't always easy to maintain a balance between the two, I do not (think I) lean to any one culture more but know that they are both part of me. Throw into the mix being Christian and that certainly spices up the cultural battles. Yet there are things that I guess I have taken for granted as being 'the norm' or simply being courteous - but that's just not the case across the world…so I have found...
I come from a culture of, ‘you do not give to receive’ yet what happens when you keep giving till you are empty? What happens when the request, ‘give me…’ just wears thin and you find yourself snapping at the next poor and apparently innocent soul who asks you to ‘give me money?’ (My favourite retort at present is - 'no, you give ME money' - people don't quite know how to respond to that one!)
Interestingly, there is no word for
‘please’ in Kinyarwanda – everything is, ‘ndashaka…’ – ‘I want…’ Again, I was always
taught that ‘I want’ will not get me anywhere, it’s simply impolite. But would it matter if those who always
said, ‘give me…’ or 'I want...' ended with please?
Would it make the request any better? 'Give me money please,' 'I want your number please.' - no, they still send chills down my spine.
I had actually crafted this blog entry a few weeks ago when I had returned from my workshop feeling frustrated by the seeming lack of manners of my participants - upon re-reading, the entry came across as a rant but then at the crux of it, I found myself questioning whether I had finally hit the stumbling block of cultural difference. Were my frustrations actually unreasonable because the values that we've been raised upon, the culture that we (my Rwandan neighbours and I) have grown up living and breathing are in fact, worlds apart?
The culture that I grew up in taught me a definition of being polite - do not EXPECT to be given anything but be appreciative and show appreciation for when you receive something; saying 'please' and 'thank you' is just common courtesy; serve others before yourself; respect and value your elders/people in authority (be they your teacher or parents' friends) and tidy up after yourself. But I am not sure this is as universally recognised as I'd once thought...
When I give workshops, VSO provide participants with a 'Fanta' (any fizzy drink is called 'Fanta' here - be it coke, sprite or indeed fanta…) At the end of my workshop, participants were quick to take their Fanta with some taking TWO before others had even taken one. When asked to help to serve the drinks, I received the remark, 'it is not my place to serve' - shocked by the audacity of such a comment I was unable to respond. However, upon hearing this remark two other participants got up and began handing out drinks and opening them for their colleagues. Was it their place to serve or were they taught to do so as I was too?
The aftermath of my workshop was somewhat shocking, participants had left the room with paper, straws, bottle tops and other rubbish littered all around - I was thankful for the same two participants who'd served the drinks who stayed behind to help clear up. (Interestingly both were male - in my mind, culturally, I'd expected the females to be the ones helping to clear up?!?) The two men had restored my faith that common decency/courtesy does exist here but sadly, it is not a culture that is nurtured/taught - so could/should I be frustrated by what had happened?
My other non-rant is how I am talked about here despite being in the presence of the people who are speaking about me. Today I had lunch at the priest's house with the other clergy members and my new housemate and fellow VSO-volunteer, Jacko. Yesterday we went for a walk with a couple of local friends to the top of one of the nearby mountains. One of the clergy asked Jacko, the other volunteer, 'and this one, did she make it up there? Is she strong enough?'
HELLO?!? I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE!?!
Another comment, 'and how about this one, can she cook?'
THIS ONE? THIS ONE? WHAT AM I?!?!
Is it because I is a woman? (Think Ali-G…) Nope, it's because people don't direct questions to you if they have just met you and there is another 'known' person present. But even so, if those comments/questions had been said TO me, surely they are somewhat offensive?!?
Ok, non-rant over. I leave you with these two picture that will always make me happy and remind me of the beauty that surrounds me…
When I give workshops, VSO provide participants with a 'Fanta' (any fizzy drink is called 'Fanta' here - be it coke, sprite or indeed fanta…) At the end of my workshop, participants were quick to take their Fanta with some taking TWO before others had even taken one. When asked to help to serve the drinks, I received the remark, 'it is not my place to serve' - shocked by the audacity of such a comment I was unable to respond. However, upon hearing this remark two other participants got up and began handing out drinks and opening them for their colleagues. Was it their place to serve or were they taught to do so as I was too?
The aftermath of my workshop was somewhat shocking, participants had left the room with paper, straws, bottle tops and other rubbish littered all around - I was thankful for the same two participants who'd served the drinks who stayed behind to help clear up. (Interestingly both were male - in my mind, culturally, I'd expected the females to be the ones helping to clear up?!?) The two men had restored my faith that common decency/courtesy does exist here but sadly, it is not a culture that is nurtured/taught - so could/should I be frustrated by what had happened?
My other non-rant is how I am talked about here despite being in the presence of the people who are speaking about me. Today I had lunch at the priest's house with the other clergy members and my new housemate and fellow VSO-volunteer, Jacko. Yesterday we went for a walk with a couple of local friends to the top of one of the nearby mountains. One of the clergy asked Jacko, the other volunteer, 'and this one, did she make it up there? Is she strong enough?'
HELLO?!? I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE!?!
Another comment, 'and how about this one, can she cook?'
THIS ONE? THIS ONE? WHAT AM I?!?!
Is it because I is a woman? (Think Ali-G…) Nope, it's because people don't direct questions to you if they have just met you and there is another 'known' person present. But even so, if those comments/questions had been said TO me, surely they are somewhat offensive?!?
Ok, non-rant over. I leave you with these two picture that will always make me happy and remind me of the beauty that surrounds me…
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