Learning - no compromise?

I'm not sure if I've blogged about this before - so if I have, I apologise in advance.

Before coming to Rwanda, I had two pre-departure trainings in Birmingham to prep me for life in another culture.  I remember asking the question - How much should you compromise in order to respect culture?  My question was not answered.

I've battled with this question for a long time.  I came to Africa believing that everyone was out to cheat  me - or would try to get what they could from me.  Without meaning to sound egotistical or even naive, it was more on the topic of 'paying' to get MY way - e.g. underhand payments to cross borders/receive mail etc.  I wondered whether or not I would compromise my moral/religious beliefs in order to get somewhere more easily/hassle-free.  I haven't faced this situation yet and I hope that if/when the time comes, I'll make the 'right' choice (if there is one?!)

However, what I have experienced is this:

Sitting in a bar with local friends.
"May, why are you drinking Fanta? Are you sick?"
- 'No, I just don't want to drink tonight.'
"Why?  Are you sick?  You can take one small Mutzig."
- 'No thank you, I'm not sick, I just don't want to drink alcohol tonight.'
"But you can take one small Mutzig.  It is our culture to drink together."
- 'I understand that and I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but I've had enough to drink thank you and I don't need another drink.'
"But you can take…"
- 'No, in MY culture, when someone says NO, it means no and that should be respected too.'
(5 minutes later, a bottle of Mutzig appears in front of me.)

A petty argument, I know.  It would be easier for me to give in and take the Mutzig (One of the two locally brewed beers in Rwanda - the other being Primus.)  I know I'm being 'rude' by declining a beer but I'm either content with my fizzy drink (fanta) or I just don't NEED another drink.  Countless times I've explained the waste not only in money but of the actual drink if one was to be opened and placed in front of me.  I simply would not drink it - by this stage, just to make/prove a point - yes, STUBBORN  (I wonder where I get that from?!?)

I also find myself arguing over pennies here in Rwanda simply because I know I'm being ripped-off.  When I get on a moto/go to the market, I immediately enter into a bargaining match with the driver/seller over a couple of hundred francs.  One-hundred francs is the equivalent of just under 10p - and yet I argue because I KNOW that they are trying to overcharge me.  It's not so much that I can't afford the price they're quoting (although in some cases, I can't) but the fact that they see a 'muzungu'/'white-person' (yes, I'm considered 'white' here!) and so they pull a random (high) figure out in the air and try it on.  I've always loathed bartering anyway - I was never any good at it even when I lived in Hong Kong.  You'd think being Chinese that it was in my blood to haggle, but I just cannot do it!  So, quite often, despite my insides screaming that I'm being ripped-off, I sometimes keel in and give the extra 20p being asked for.  When I say it like that, I realise how insignificant the amount is and wonder what I'm battling with, after all, surely they need it more than I do?  But if I give in, the perception becomes set that it's ok to rip people off.  Maybe this isn't so much of a moral battle, in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter, that's just business sense right? - inflating prices to make the most gain?  Retailers/restaurants do it all over the world, but are they targeting people because of the colour of their skin?  (I know it happens in other countries too - that's tourism for you!)

________________

My final battle is one where my conscience is yet to be appeased:

In a restaurant recently, I asked for a drink and it came promptly, I was surprised by the size of it.  When the bill arrived, I was charged for a double drink.  In fairness, my drink WAS a double but the menu price did not say that it was for a single measure.  (In another restaurant previously, all servings were double and charged at the price quoted on the menu.)  BUT I also did not order a double (knowingly.)  The waiter responded, "I gave you a double so you must pay double."

In bringing this up with management, I was given the response, 'no matter, you don't pay, the waiter pays for his mistake.' - I know full well that the waiter will NOT be able to pay for it - or at least will be paying for it for the next month out of his salary so I was somewhat stuck because I was ABLE to pay for it, but wasn't willing to do so because (a) I felt like I was being emotionally blackmailed and (b) I ordered a drink that I was quoted at 4000f (£4) on the menu and NOT 8000Rwf (£8)!  So I am sad to say that I paid my 4000Rwf only.

However any remorse that I felt soon left me when I heard the waiter say to another waiter in Kinyarwanda, "this is not England."  Actually, he took the biscuit when he said to management that the 'muzungu has a problem' (in Kinyarwanda) - to which I retorted, "I am not a muzungu" and his response (in Kinyarwanda not to me but to the manager and other staff) was, "no, I see you're not muzungu, you are Korean." - that's when I blew a gasket!  It's not that he called me a muzungu or Korean but simply that he appeared to be mocking me when HE had made the mistake.  He spoke English, he took my order in English so why not say that sentence TO ME in English instead of directed to the staff.  (Maybe that was MY inference/perception of the situation and he did not mean to offend?!)  Still, evidently my Kinyarwanda isn't as bad as I think it is to understand what he was saying!  But I digress…going back to the situation - should I have paid the full amount?  I consumed a double (unknowingly) under the impression that I had ordered something from the menu that cost 4000Rwf.  In my mind, I compared this to a similar situation which occurred with another volunteer who ordered a soup and because the waiter decided to give her a double portion in one bowl, he then charged her for 2 soups! - Surely this is not right?  The customer did not ASK for 2 portions, and without knowing the portion size beforehand, how can they know they are receiving 2?

I'm still learning when to compromise.
I'm still learning to choose the right battles to fight.
I'm still learning to give up my pride.
I'm still learning...