When life imitates nature or nature imitates life

Today I woke to a blanket of mist that wove itself around the trees, hills and valleys that surround my house.  My normally clear and unobstructed view seemed shrouded with uncertainty this morning.  As the day progressed, the cloudless sky was quickly hidden by dark clouds and once again, and apparently all too suddenly, the sun-scorched land became running rivers, lakes and bogs.

I’m sitting in my classroom, with a view of the school playing fields, the Rwandan flag blowing wildly in the wind and the sound of the drumming rain on the aluminium roof, filling the otherwise silent TRC – and here I am with my thoughts.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am starting to prepare for my departure (in about 6 weeks’ time.)  My path before me, once so clear-cut now hidden from me by indecision and confusion.  I’d like to say that the path forks to reveal a multitude of choices, but rather it only seems to be narrowing with each step I take.  My mind is flooded with desired possibilities and various scenarios but nothing is concrete.

My decision to come here to Rwanda in the first place was much like where I am now.  I was so certain that this is what I/God wanted of me, yet my fears and love for my family made the choice hard to swallow.  However being here, as cliché as it may sound has opened my eyes to so much more than I could have imagined – it’s opened doors that I never knew either existed or could have been unlocked for me and has taught me about my strengths and self-imposed limitations/blocks.  My tolerance and patience on so many levels has been tried and tested beyond comprehension.  My love and compassion for people, situations and even my former passions…put under fire and refined.

People here tell me that I will soon forget my life here once I’ve left – and I hope this will not be true…and yet, nature imitates life.  Conditions of weather and human influences affect how a plant/animal grows and develops.  The beauty of adaptation means that nature changes or unfortunately dies with the challenges it faces – I hope that moving back to the developed world will not kill the serenity and respect I’ve found in basic-living but more shape the way I continue to choose to live.  Saying that, I’m sure the first thing that I will do (after all the emotional greetings) will be to have a long soak in a hot bath…and delight in the fact that HOT water comes out of taps – or simply just that WATER comes out of the taps!  I trust that I will not lose sight of the strength that I (we) have in coping with adverse conditions – my path ahead may be foggy or misty but just as with nature, this will not last forever and with any luck, it’ll lift soon enough to allow for a better view ahead.

Powerless but Empowered

"Powerless but empowered"

I had this as my Facebook status today – admittedly not intending to be deep and meaningful it was simply because the electricity was off and I had to cook somehow…but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that there was much truth behind it - this is how I have been living and viewing the lives of those here in Rwanda.

Before coming here, I remember wondering how on earth I would cope with not having electricity or running water – simple luxuries often taken for granted back home.  Yet today, it is something that is pretty normal for me.  Right now, as I type this blogpost, I (and the rest of the village) have no electricity.  It’s ok because it’s still relatively light despite the pelting rain and the dark skies and it’s not yet time for me to cook my dinner.  I do not own a gas oven/stove but I do have an electric-hob – now rendered useless in such conditions.  I pray that the rain will cease soon so that I can at least go out and light a charcoal-fire, something that I’ve become quite an expert at doing since living here.

The rain is literally cascading off my roof, creating a ‘Niagra falls’ type scene outside my window.  It’s also leaking into my bedroom – but that’s another issue in itself.   Windows and doors do not seem to fully fit frames here – there are always huge gaps at the bottom for some reason – and yet even with such a gap, my front door does not fully open because the floor is uneven and at some point, the door is stopped by the floor…

These are minor quirks that I’ve learnt to live with and manage (rice-sacks wedged in the gaps to prevent those pesky flying maggots, frogs, rats/mice and the rain from coming into the house…)

But returning to my opening statement, ‘powerless but empowered’ – this is what life is like here.  People here are constantly complaining about lack of something or other be it food, love or money (funny – people all around the world seem to be chasing the same thing…)  In truth, these people mostly have the right to complain, I complain about leaking doors and windows – these guys may not even have that in their homes…or even a roof over their heads.  Yet behind this sadness, and despite their seemingly ‘helpless’ conditions, there lies a will and a faith that empowers them to keep going.  Many homes have small ‘kitchen gardens’ – plots of land where maize, sorghum, beans are grown…not for selling but personal consumption - a means to survive.  There is a community that I have written about before, of sharing what you have – ALL that you have even if that means your needs/hunger are not fully satisfied yourself.  (Although not always evident amongst TTC staff members who during 'self-service' meals make Kilimanjaro-style food mountains on their plates, leaving little for others who follow them.)  And then there are those who walk for miles and hours on end to visit a friend or family member to check their wellbeing – whilst most people own mobile phones here, it is often the case that (a) they don’t have credit on their phone or (b) they’re not charged because of power cuts.  A moto-taxi may be pocket-change to you and I, but for most here, it is the equivalent to a day, week or even a month’s salary.  Not many own bicycles – and in fairness, you wouldn’t want to cycle around here – these hills would kill you!  And with rain like today’s – I’m not sure a bicycle or moto would help you!

A friend on Facebook asked me what I meant by my status…and whilst I was writing my response in jest, a big part of me believes what I wrote:

“When we lack so-called necessities in life, we are given the opportunity to seek and discover alternatives – sometimes better ways…but we wouldn’t know it if ‘power/s’ weren’t removed – we discover the value of what was lost but also our own strength in coping. “

I wrote this because I was being a wimp that I didn’t have electricity.  Yet people here cope with much worse on a daily basis.  But it’s not just here…I read an article in the Guardian today on ‘Kids Company’, a charity in London who help not only to feed ‘hungry children’ but to provide a platform for them to flourish and know and understand what family love means. 

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/feb/15/how-kids-company-feeds-britains-hungry-children

There is need all around, be it in a developing country or on our doorstep within our developed worlds.  Being rendered powerless can empower us to make a difference and change our/others’ situation/s.  We are forced to seek alternative methods to overcome the challenges that block us.

I am currently (loosely) job-seeking and many jobs I have found require either more education or experience than I have.  I feel ‘powerless’ because these are things that will take time (and a lot of money and sacrifices) to gain but I am empowered by the knowledge that God has paved my path before me and that throughout my life, He has supported and guided me – despite MY deviations.  Though a huge fog lies before my path right now and an apparent rocky climb, I need to trust in His will for me that He will (continue to) provide and equip me – even if on paper I do not have the necessary credentials…I must remember, He is the God of the impossible and if it be His will, then I have nothing to fear – I WILL be still, listen and trust.  I may be powerless but that's when God is most powerful.