Greetings

I've always struggled with greeting people - even back in England - and here it is even more confusing!

Around the time of university was when greetings became complicated - does one peck both cheeks or just one?  Is it followed by a hug or even a handshake?  Or do you simply wave/hug?  The amount of times I've kissed someone's neck because I've gone in for a second peck and the other person has come in for a hug after the first peck…slightly embarrassing!

So here I can't quite cope - kissing/pecking is not common practice (which I'm thankful for) although I have received a few unexpected pecks from women here.

People usually greet each other with a handshake - which in itself can at times be quite complex - with the regular, shake of the hand but then sometimes people go into 'secret' handshake combinations - that's when it throws me.  Afterwards, they seem to draw you in for a hug and then don't quite make contact but take your arm and touch foreheads with you - I've had to be careful not to headbutt anyone…

The other 'hug' greeting is where people approach you with arms wide open, appearing to be ready to embrace you but instead, they take hold of your upper arms, draw you in and 'air kiss'/cheek touch (without kissing) three times and then go in for the forehead touch…head butting is inevitable in this case - who knows which side people are going for?  On the odd occasion, I've been surprised with a  kiss at the end…WHY CAN'T GREETINGS BE SIMPLE?!? 

There is also the fact that sometimes men here try to push the boundaries and I still don't know if it is socially acceptable to hug men - so I tend not to despite being asked several times by various acquaintances, 'why do you not hug me?' - I then go in for the 'side-hug' - oh yes, I'm introducing the side-hug!!!  I think they find it somewhat strange but I just tell them that it is not MY culture to hug.  It kills me because I LOVE hugging - just not people that I don't know (very well)…

Then there is the verbal greetings of 'muraho', 'mwaramutse', 'miriwe', 'bite'…the first is used when you meet someone for the first time, or haven't seen them for a long time; the second is good morning; the third = good afternoon/evening and the last is 'how are you doing?' - My colleagues seem to use 'muraho' on a Monday when I have not seen them over the weekend, followed by, 'I missed you.'  There's an expectation to say it back - but quite often I cannot bring myself to do it.  I simply smile and say, 'murakoze' which translates as 'thank you.'  (I'm tempted sometimes to respond, "that's nice.") 

Someone needs to write a code-of-greetings book for ALL cultures…I have too many to contend with!