Ugiye he - Where are you going?

It's just gone 4am here - for some reason or other, I am wide awake.  So what better way to release all my thoughts than to write?  (Ok, so prayer is the other option...)

As I am still in Cyahinda, there will be no pictures of my new dresses till the next one.  I leave for Kigali on Sunday morning, I have to be at the 'bus stop' - or rather tree-roundabout, at 5:45am...shocker!  It should take me roughly 4-4.5hrs to get to Kigali if I'm lucky enough to get on one of the two buses that I have to take...no doubt I'll be rammed in like a sardine on my first bus.  (Think 25 people on/in a 15-seater bus...)

Again, I'm looking forward to going to Kigali, the capital city, but at the same time, I actually wish that I could stay in my village just to rest.  I am thankful that I am kept busy here in Cyahinda and get the opportunity to leave whenever I can (most people cannot afford to even go to the closest town of Butare which is about a £1.50 bus journey away!)  But, there is something to be had in simply being still - and not having anywhere to go to.  Wherever I am, I am asked the question, 'ugiye he?' (oo-jee, ye hay?) - where are you going?  Sometimes I want to answer - 'I just don't know.'  Do I NEED to be going somewhere?  Do I NEED to be doing something all the time?  Maybe it's because if people were not 'doing' here, then they'd be thinking and I've learnt that many people's thoughts are clouded by dark reflections of the past and despair for the future.  Escapism appears an easy way to forget or just push forward.

Yet all too often in sermons, I have been reminded that we are human BEINGS not human DOINGS.  I appreciate time alone - being alone does not mean that I am lonely and yet that is a difficult concept for many here to understand.  One can feel lonely amidst a crowd of people, even amongst friends.  Some of my most peaceful and contended moments have been when it is just me, my thoughts and God.  So maybe that's why I'm awake right now - to simply BE and reflect upon the many joys that I've experienced here and in the past.  To thank God for friends and family who support me all over the world; to rejoice in the present and be hopeful for what/wherever is to come.