Today I woke to a blanket of mist that wove
itself around the trees, hills and valleys that surround my house. My normally clear and unobstructed view
seemed shrouded with uncertainty this morning. As the day progressed, the cloudless sky was quickly hidden
by dark clouds and once again, and apparently all too suddenly, the
sun-scorched land became running rivers, lakes and bogs.
I’m sitting in my classroom, with a view of
the school playing fields, the Rwandan flag blowing wildly in the wind and the
sound of the drumming rain on the aluminium roof, filling the otherwise silent TRC
– and here I am with my thoughts.
As I mentioned in my last post, I am
starting to prepare for my departure (in about 6 weeks’ time.) My path before me, once so clear-cut
now hidden from me by indecision and confusion. I’d like to say that the path forks to reveal a multitude of
choices, but rather it only seems to be narrowing with each step I take. My mind is flooded with desired possibilities
and various scenarios but nothing is concrete.
My decision to come here to Rwanda in the
first place was much like where I am now.
I was so certain that this is what I/God wanted of me, yet my fears and
love for my family made the choice hard to swallow. However being here, as cliché as it may sound has opened my
eyes to so much more than I could have imagined – it’s opened doors that I
never knew either existed or could have been unlocked for me and has taught me
about my strengths and self-imposed limitations/blocks. My tolerance and patience on so many
levels has been tried and tested beyond comprehension. My love and compassion for people,
situations and even my former passions…put under fire and refined.
People here tell me that I will soon forget
my life here once I’ve left – and I hope this will not be true…and yet, nature
imitates life. Conditions of
weather and human influences affect how a plant/animal grows and develops. The beauty of adaptation means that
nature changes or unfortunately dies with the challenges it faces – I hope
that moving back to the developed world will not kill the serenity and respect
I’ve found in basic-living but more shape the way I continue to choose to
live. Saying that, I’m sure the
first thing that I will do (after all the emotional greetings) will be to have
a long soak in a hot bath…and delight in the fact that HOT water comes out of
taps – or simply just that WATER comes out of the taps! I trust that I will not lose sight of
the strength that I (we) have in coping with adverse conditions – my path ahead
may be foggy or misty but just as with nature, this will not last forever and
with any luck, it’ll lift soon enough to allow for a better view ahead.
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