A friend of mine got followed the other night unknowingly but thankfully made enough noise when she realised to scare the man off.
The first thing that she said was, 'I shouldn't have been travelling alone at 3am…'
Yes this is true, she shouldn't have been taking unnecessary risks - but then it got me thinking that she shouldn't be reduced to feeling that she was in part to blame. What gives someone the right to intimidate another person or to take advantage in that way? Surely the perpetrator is 100% to blame?
On my second night here in Cyahinda (back in September 2013), I was robbed. To be fair, what they stole was not particularly of great monetary value - it's somewhat comical in hindsight but my first thought was, 'I shouldn't have left my room unsupervised.' I blamed myself for what had happened. In short, I had some workmen ironically fixing locks to my windows to make my house more secure - but they were the ones who ended up stealing from me! I left them unattended in my bedroom and another room where I had begun to unpack things. One of them emptied out my backpack, placed the contents on my shelf, took my shower gel, hand wash and a couple of toilet rolls and left. The hidden blessing was that the contents of my backpack included my laptop, digital camera, passport and a shed-load of money - all of which were in their own individual cases - and he'd left them on my shelf and only took the backpack from my bedroom…
However, all I could think about was how stupid I'd been to let these men into my home and leave them unsupervised. But why should I have felt this? It was not me who was to blame surely? Yes, I was naive and too trusting - but what gives them the right to take what is not theirs? He/They may have argued that it was an open invitation - but who is raised to believe that everything is for the taking, no matter where it is found? I'll never understand the psychology or the desperate state that people find themselves in to feel the need to cause such crimes. Maybe if they see no other way…but it doesn't make it right and the victim should not feel guilt or take the blame - but we do.
No matter where we live, crime will always exist unfortunately. We take measures to prevent it or protect ourselves from falling victim to it but if/when it happens to us we feel bad enough already; those sentences - 'I should have remembered to lock the door,' 'I shouldn't have been alone,' 'I shouldn't have been walking with my earphones in,' 'I shouldn't have left my phone on the table…' - why do we justify what happened by blaming ourselves?
I did pray for the men that had stolen from me that they'd be blessed by the toilet roll, shower gel, hand wash and backpack. As inconvenienced as I was, he/they were obviously desperate for toilet paper!?!?! The men were later caught and imprisoned for a couple of days but denied stealing from me. I found it somewhat humiliating telling the police what they had stolen but left behind. The WHOLE village and neighbouring village heard about me and my 'misfortune' - people began to look out for me, I don't know if it was out of fear/pity - but after that incident, I became safe in Cyahinda. No-one dared to mess with me. (Although I think another reason why they don't mess is because stereotypically, they believe I know Kung Fu!)
It's sad to think that the existence of crime so often shapes our behaviour; our ability to trust and general day-to-day conduct; it fuels our fears and prevents us from taking chances/risks but on the flip side, it can be the catalyst for building communities…just like mine here in Cyahinda.
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