Something more upbeat

Five things that make me smile and am thankful for…(in no particular order)

1.  My neighbours - the joy on their faces when they see either Jacko or myself everyday is priceless:

(Photo taken by Jacko)

2.  My housemate, Jacko Oosterhof - a person, (if you will recall from earlier posts) I was not keen in receiving (sorry Jacko) - but he has been such a blessing in my life.  A man who has big ears and a massive heart…simply thank you :)  I will be sad to lose you in a couple of weeks time :(

(Taken on Safari)

This is an early photo of Jacko only having arrived for a week or two...

3.  My (our) house, the beautiful scenery I am surrounded by and the amazing sunrises/sunsets and stars that I see each day…

4.  My crazy VSO family - words cannot express how much joy these people have brought me over the last few months…

 

These were taken in our first days here in Rwanda - some have sadly left Rwanda and many more have joined...

Friends who dress up on special occasions:  Mike's bday…rice sack party

Friends to share food with :)

Especially on holiday :) - Zinger Tower Burgers at 6am!  :)

Friends I make resources with

Friends I've journeyed together with from London trainings!  (Bon Voyage Claire…see you back in London town!)

Friends who invade a small village :) (More importantly, friends who travel for hours and brave coming out to visit us out in the sticks…)

Friends to go to the cinema with - a rare luxury when in the capital city, Kigali.

Friends to do cultural things with…like going to art galleries :) - again in Kigali...

Friends to simply be silly with

Friends to go rainforest trekking with :) - Miss you already Steph

And finally, friends who holiday together

5.  Lastly, my colleagues and local friends (There are many more male colleagues than female ones…) - they cause the extremities of emotions within me, but that's when I know I care...

There are many more things/people that make me smile everyday…life isn't all that bad here :)

I'll finish with the prayer (with minor additions) that we used to say at school before lunch…

For good friends, (new days, days ending, beautiful sights) and good food, we/I thank you LORD, 

Amen.

Lost in translation

'I'm fine thank you,' is a response that I get with most things here.

Me:  Hi

Random child/colleague/student/neighbour:  I'm fine

Even before I've opened my mouth, often I am met with, 'I'm fine thank you and you?'

But to be fair, this was also the standard response to my questions when I lived in Japan…and come to think of it, this is what I'm ALWAYS asked by any passerby here: 'amakuru' (How are you?) - and the standard response is - 'ni meza, ayanyu?' - I'm fine and you?

_______________


I lost all motivation to learn Kinyarwanda a while ago, possibly since the start of this year!  But I find that without it - life is somewhat complicated.  I still have lessons now and again, but not as frequently as I'd like.  However, I have mastered simple phrases of, 'I want…'  (One common one - 'ndashaka mutzig gatoya/petit, ikonje' - I want a small Mutzig, cold - Mutzig being one of the locally sold beers here.)  A key phrase, no doubt - but I can never get 'deep' into conversations here - and that's what I miss.

Whilst language is a limitation/barrier, culturally, people do not tend to speak about their emotions here.  'Ihangane' - 'be patient' is the answer to anybodies' woes, whether someone has faced sickness, loss of any form, anger towards another, stress at work…the response is always, 'ihangane' and then a beer is placed in your hands.  No-one wants to hear the nitty gritty details, the thousand thoughts that whizz through your mind…And yet when I am told this, my blood only boils and a tirade of words are screamed (whether internally or externally).  I find no comfort in this term - but maybe I've just lost the meaning in translation.

I guess the equivalent in English is, 'I'm sorry.'  Afterall, what comfort do the words, 'I'm sorry' bring when you've lost something/one?  What difference does it make when I've had a bad day at work and someone utters the words, 'I'm sorry' to me?  Maybe it's what I'm used to, perhaps it's my understanding of the culture/context in which they are uttered - but actually, those two (technically 3) words DO make me feel better.

_____________________

Today there was a snake lying dead in the Centre, its head mangled and deformed - possibly from being run over by a moto.  I was trying to tell my helper, Gaudence today about it and used the word 'inzoga' instead of 'inzoka' - she looked at me strangely.  Why was I asking her if she'd seen the BEER in the centre?  (This post seems to have a running beer theme!?!)…my intention of course was to say 'inzoka' - snake but I often get things mixed up here:

Inama = meeting
Inyama = meat
Intama = sheep (/nt/ has an aspirated sound - more like 'h')
Imana = God

So this is my life, forever lost in the translation of words, actions and culture.

CHANGE

What is change?  Why change?  Is change synonymous with development?  How do you know when someone is ready for change?  Can you move without change?  Am I here to change (myself/others/both?)  

“You are here to make changes, but these people are not ready for change.” 

This was a statement that my deputy head made to me last week.  It caused the cascade of questions above.  I came here hoping to provide options for change but found that when I’m asked ‘why should I change my practice?’ I only leave people with a sense of resentment.  I never use the words, ‘I know better’ – but that’s all any reason I give sounds like.  In fact, I don’t know better – I have my experiences and I can share those but to people here, they are far removed from their own situations because I am a privileged ‘white’ person.  The opportunities and support given to people back in UK are a privilege and they simply do not exist here.

This term, I have been training tutors and students on providing an inclusive education for learners with disabilities and impairments.  Back home, if I have concerns about students, I can refer them to a Special Educational Needs Coordinator – but such a person does not exist here.  There is no government support for statemented children – in fact, ‘statements’ don’t even exist.  And so the question I am always faced with – ‘How can we make changes if we have no means to do so?’ simply leaves me without an answer.

My deputy was right – whilst there is a NEED for change, people’s attitudes must be ready to receive and be changed.  The pursuit for money is the main stumbling block here - most believe that with money all is possible and it's often difficult to argue against this.      Whilst money CAN help in the process of change, it's HOW the money is used/distributed that makes the difference - and so often change is superficial here, getting to the heart of a situation is something harder to reach/access.  Change starts with a desire and motivation - no matter how much money is thrown at someone, if at the heart of someone they see no need for movement, then little will change.

Maybe there is HOPE…my deputy continued to state:

“You (and Jacko) have made us change.  You have made a difference here at the TTC.  I can see it.” 

– sometimes I wish I could...

Chance to move

Hanging, swaying

Any which way

Notions of difference

Giving up what has been

Ever mindful of consequences