Saying goodbye

"We are not depending on ourselves but on our Creator's freedom."

On Sunday I attended the funeral of a colleague's father.  The words above were his in response to my message of condolence.  I wondered where he drew his strength from in being able to respond this way and was surprised that he was able to respond at all.

I expected Sunday to be a sombre day filled with tears and quiet reflection, I couldn't have been any further from the truth.  My journey began at the back of a pick up truck with at least 10 other colleagues, as the wind blew in our faces and the red dust dyed our hair, the vehicle filled with raucous conversations and laughter that filtered through to each village that we passed.  I was unprepared and ill equipped to deal with the conversations that took place - mainly because my Kinyarwanda is still shockingly non-existent despite having been here for FIVE months already!  As we approached our colleague's home-village, (about a 45 minute drive away), the mood changed but it was still not what I had anticipated.

I had expected to be met with tears of sorrow and an air of mourning but instead, I was warmly greeted by all with smiles.  I stupidly asked each person, 'amakuru?' - How are you?  To which I predictably received the standard response of 'Ni meza' - I'm fine/good.  After watching briefly community members digging the grave in the back garden of my colleague's family home, the women were ushered into a small room whilst some of my male colleagues were handed spades and hoes to muck in with the grave construction.

In the room, I was warmly greeted and soon became the centre of attention.  The room, a turquoise-painted mud hut was adorned with many posters of Mary, the mother of Christ.  I found it all a little disconcerting, particularly one image of her standing with arms outstretched, riding on a cloud with a large glowing ring of light surrounding her head and the words 'Holy Mary, light of the world.'  Blasphemous really - but what could I do or say?  As I greeted each woman in the room, (with ages ranging from 20s-60s), the questions and comments for me cascaded.  Whilst I did not recognise any of the women, many of them were from Cyahinda and so have seen me from around often.  Discussions began about my weight - apparently I have gained weight as my cheeks have got bigger.  It must be all the potatoes I'm eating!  Other topics of conversation raised: Is my hair natural or a weave?  It would seem that all the children in the village are enamoured by me and talk about me at home?!?!; and finally whether I would take a Rwandan man to be my husband so I could stay in Rwanda forever.  Again, much laughter was to be heard and had - not exactly what I was expecting from a funeral!

Interestingly, and I'd intended to blog about this for a while was the dress of the women at the funeral.  Some were adorned with traditional material tailored into a figure-hugging dress/outfit but most wore the material as a sarong-type wrap-skirt with a t-shirt on the top.  What I found funny were the t-shirts themselves.  Have you ever wondered where your 'Happy Sack' clothes donations go?  Or those given to your high-street charity shop?  Most of it ends up here in Africa and is SOLD in the markets - I have seen people walking around in McDonald's uniforms, a White Castle t-shirt, a TNT uniform, a Tesco t-shirt and lots of Unicef/USAID/charity t-shirts.  One lady at the funeral wore a Mickey-Mouse t-shirt with her traditional wrap, somewhat odd but no-one (else) batted an eye-lid!  When I asked what I should wear to the funeral, I was told, 'anything you want' - and they weren't half right in saying that!

After the conversations about me petered out, the women then unexpectedly broke out into prayers and songs - I was later told that they were traditional burial chants.  This continued for THREE HOURS - unbroken.  As I surveyed the room, some women fell asleep (there was even one who snored very loudly) and others who just respectfully had their heads bowed (maybe they were asleep too?)  It was difficult for me NOT to fall asleep myself.  After the 3 hours, my colleagues told me to go out for some fresh air and I was informed that the actual ceremony would not take place for another couple of hours as the grave was still not complete.  This is African time - something I've had to get used to, it shouldn't be given as an excuse for tardiness and shouldn't be accepted as one - but it is.  Again I was told, 'inhangane' - be patient, something that I find harder and harder to do and be the more I live here.

When the ceremony eventually began, my colleague's family plot of land was filled with a sea of people - not one tear was shed.  I was saddened by how detached people were but since '94, people are almost numb to the idea of death, it is just perceived to be a part of the life-cycle, nothing to mourn over but a mere inevitability - I was asked, 'why should we fear it or be sad?  It happens to all and life should go on.'  I still don't know if these are wise words or tainted ones.

In my own life, many loved ones have passed away and with each one I am reminded to be grateful for what I have - it was encouraging to see that my colleague was drawing strength from God and rejoicing for the life that his father had and will have with Christ.  My colleague himself has now taken on the role as 'head of the family.'  He smiled throughout his speech and reiterated the words, "We are not depending on ourselves but on our Creator's freedom."  And so these are the words that I leave you with too...

Breaking Dawn

Another year has begun.

The countdown to the new year began with Christmas in Rusizi with fellow VSO-orphans Steph and Lauren. 

Yet contrary to the photo above…Christmas was anything but sad for me.  

For many, Christmas is a time with family, friends, copious amounts of food and drink and spending a small fortune on gifts. 

This was my Christmas:

• Three-way Skype convo with my brother who was holidaying in Osaka, Japan and my sister (and niece Olive) back in London and a telephone convo with my mother - family: tick.
• Taking turns to cook with Steph and Lauren - friends & good food: tick

• Mulled wine with Becks’ Christmas gift (what a treat!) - drink: tick
• Not-so-secret-Santa with Lauren & Steph and LOTS of parcels from around the world - presents: tick

I thought about the journey of those at the first Christmas – Mary & Joseph, the Wise Men/Kings and the shepherds – for days they travelled to await and welcome the birth of Christ.  Through rough terrain and adverse conditions they struggled to meet the newborn King but they were willing and filled with joy at the chance to see the baby in the manger.  Christmas for me was just as joyously anticipated and met.  Waking at the crack of dawn to catch a bus that we were on the waiting list for; taking a grueling 3.5hr bus journey wedged with 4 others on a row of seats designed for 3 people; being surrounded by 4 pukers on a bus that was simply not road-worthy…particularly on some of the pothole ridden roads that we passed but then at the end of our (Lauren and my) tunnel, there was light as we were met by the lovely Steph and 3 days of good food, UNO, cheesy Christmas music and many films proceeded.  My heart was heavy and overwhelmed, not out of sadness but because I felt the blessings of Christ’s love in and through my friends.  This warm and fuzzy feeling only continued through to New Year...

New Year was spent in Gisenyi with 10 other VSO volunteers – it was a beautiful setting filled with much laughter and silliness :)

The tents where we stayed - glamping at its best!  £20/tent - bargainous!

Mini-people that just appeared one day…Rwandan Hobbits minus the hairy feet...

The view...

Breakfast…

New Year's Eve…me rocking the festival look with my new wellies!  Thanks to my sisters for getting them out to me - and even bigger thanks to Michael/Scribbler for bringing them out for me!  (Not sure what Lauren is doing - looking quite arty really!)

VSO-Christmas-orphans reunited

New Year's Eve meal

So, a new year has dawned, what will it hold?  I have not made any resolutions but hope that just as 2013 opened many doors and took me in a new direction, 2014 will find me confident enough to keep pushing doors and taking steps forward.  Umwaka Mwiza!  (Happy (New) Year!)

Year End Reflections/Musings

How can two lives be so different when side-by-side they reside?

One born with access to all that the world offers and the other struggling to see beyond their open hands;

One who has much but craves more and the other not knowing what more is but imagines something different;

One who gives what they can but never going without and the other giving ALL and often going without;

One who feels guilt for the life they have when next door that life is only tasted in dreams…

Endless options

Excessive waste

Countless opportunities

Forever undecided

Chances to change

Escape 

And yet their worlds so different but so intertwined

For their hope is what binds them, hope in someone higher

In Him – all is possible

For what is before them, they give thanks

In Him – strength was found

For the things that have passed, they know have shaped them

In Him – there is purpose

For what lies ahead is in His hands

The end of another year draws ever closer.

This will be the first year (that I can remember) away from any member of my family – but as cliché as it may sound, I will be spending it with my new family – Steph and Lauren, fellow Christmas-VSO-orphans, we will have an awesome time in Rusizi (South-West Rwanda – bottom end of Lake Kivu.)  Glyn, Mary and Becks – it won’t be the same without you but we’ll raise a glass (or two) to/for you!

New Year will be spent with the wider VSO community – I think 11 of us in total in Gisenyi (North-West Rwanda – top end of Lake Kivu.)  Phil & Ange, I’m taking a few glow-sticks up there – maybe not entirely the purpose for which you sent them to me for…but hey ho, at least you know they’re being put to good use!

So with that, I wish my lovely readers a very HAPPY CHRISTMAS and a MERRY NEW YEAR! :)  It'll be a new dawn, a new day and it'll feel good!  May your celebrations be filled with much joy and laughter with an abundance of cheer and merriment.  God bless you all!

The MOVE

After a month of living in my mud hut - a place that I'd become quite attached to, my programme officer came to visit me and was appalled by the condition of it - not because I'm a dirty/messy person (which I'm not) but simply due to how basic it was.  I always knew that I had the most basic of housing in comparison to all other September intake of volunteers but actually in my AREA, it's a pretty decent house.  (Quite luxurious to have a home to oneself - although locals feel sorry for me because they think that I am 'lonely.')  So anyhow, the wheels were set in motion and the hunt began to find a new home for me.  I know I've posted photos of my old home before but here it all is again…

The view from my old house - taken in September, now there are cash-crops of some form growing en masse out here - no photo to show, sorry!

Venturing into my house, this was my store room - I had two unpainted rooms in the house - I think there were mice in here.  The other I used for a 'drying room' - only it was rather damp, so wasn't really fit for purpose!

The other 2 painted rooms, one being my living room was where I spent a lot of my time.

House guest…moo-assive spider…with fangs!

My Olive wall :)

My Bedroom

 This was the entrance to my home…when it rained, the floor was always flooded!  This also doubled up as my washroom as I refused to wash in the outhouse that had no ceiling…

I did not take a picture of my pit-latrine, I did not want to cause any trauma but suffice to say, it was not  the most attractive of rooms!

So a little over 3 months of living here, I was moved to this:

…4 bedrooms, a living room, dining room, indoor bathroom and 3 outhouses round the back…it's a MANSION!

The view from the side of my home…

The removal process was somewhat interesting with my furniture and goods being either carried on people's heads or on the back of a pedal bicycle.  I was overwhelmed by the people who came to help, not expecting any payment but simply because they wanted to help.  I even had two of the neighbouring kids carry part of my bed frame on their heads - I wish I'd taken a photo.  They are no more than 7 years old but the way they shared the load was heartbreaking.

And now for the inside - just like my old place, the floor is not tiled and looks constantly dirty but at least it's level…all my (VSO provided) furniture looks a little lost - I have so much space now!

The front door leads into my sitting room which in turn leads into the dining area.

I haven't taken any photos of the other bedrooms as they are completely bare - but here's mine anyway. Much bigger and lighter than my last.  I have evidently chosen well, there was a massive rainstorm tonight and the other side of the house leaked - my room remained dry (YAY!)

I now have running water and a shower (that dribbles) - so I'll still be bathing like I did when I was a child (in a basin/bucket - flannel washing) at least that way, I get a hot wash but nevertheless I am thankful for indoor bathroom facilities.  It feels good to have a tap again - although old habits die hard as I've got my jerry cans filled up just in case the water goes off/there is a water shortage.

The power has been going off more frequently of late so am having to charge things up constantly - just in case!  I'm learning to live without both electricity and water but it's not easy.  It's ok in the daytime, it's the nights that are hard without either but I'd have to say, living without water is far harder than electricity.  I always have my candles, head torch and now glow-sticks to provide light but water, if you don't have that there are so many things that you can't do - flushing the toilet, washing hands/clothes/dishes/floor, cooking…(drinking is fine, I can always purchase bottled water.)

I'm thankful for the move.  Just waiting for my new housemate to arrive in January now.  (A male volunteer from the Netherlands.)

The art of...

There are many skills that I've had to acquire here in Rwanda and these are to name but a few:

Mounting/Dismounting a moto - or in fact ANY vehicle here…
I've been told not to step up onto the back foot rest and swing my leg over the bike else I will cause the driver to lose his balance - yet I have seen countless women do so with such ease and daintiness.  In my attempt to mount a moto, I inevitably draw a crowd and cause much amusement to the observers as I try to swing my leg over the moto that is far higher than my inflexible legs can be raised - as yet I have not fallen or kicked anyone in the process which I am thankful for!  (I tend not to wear skirts/dresses if I know I will be travelling on a moto…)
The buses aren't any easier - if I'm riding into town I have to catch a min-bus, a 15-seater, rusty, MOT-failed vehicle - the record for the number of people crammed into one of these so far for me has to be 25 - that's 6 people squidged onto a row of seats designed for 3 people!  Whenever I'm leaving my village, it's usually for a at least an overnight stay somewhere so with my bag & moto-helmet, (VSO do not insure volunteers who do not use their standard helmets when travelling on motos,) it's not the most comfortable of rides…plus actually getting ON the bus is a mission with bags, the low ceiling and massive step to get onto the bus itself!

Riding a moto pillion
What does one hold onto?  My first instinct is to hold onto the driver - but again, whilst I have seen some doing so, it is generally not the thing to do.  There is a bar at the back of the moto that upon my first couple of rides, I gripped onto till my knuckles almost popped out - but now, I am learning to just relax and not hold onto anything (perhaps my legs?) - I am yet to learn to text whilst riding pillion!

Understanding gestures - particularly facial ones
I have had countless conversations with other volunteers about the 'raised eyebrows.'  It is common practice for locals to answer questions with nothing but raising their eyebrows and widening their eyes. Exactly what this means, I am still confused!  At first I thought it meant 'yes' but now I just think it means, 'I have no idea what you're saying to me and I will just do something to make you think I understand and get you off my back…'  I have started to do it myself annoyingly - and I don't even know what I'm trying to communicate!  (Takes me back to my dissertation - Can't quite remember the title but know it was all about gestures and the linguistic laws that governed them…)

Living without electricity
Cooking is the hardest part for me.  Lighting a charcoal stove in the dark, without lighter-fuel  and sometimes in the rain is not fun…I combat this by NOT doing it.  Instead, I always keep a flask of hot water ready to simply steam/soak any veg/rice/pasta/instant noodles I do have in stock.  The purpose of the flask is really so that I have hot water to wash with - but it does come in handy when I have power cuts.
Thankfully my laptop has a pretty decent battery life and I tend to be able to have some (if not a very slow) internet connection to keep me sane - although a book and headlamp always does the job too :)  Think I'd much prefer living without electricity than water though...

Living without running water
How I miss having a tap!  I tend to have 3 jerry-cans in my house, my umukoze (house-helper), Gaudance, fetches water for me around 2-3 times a week.  I have learnt to be pretty water-efficient - I tend to reuse water  LOTS for cleaning - so the same water that I've washed in/up in/clothes in, I will use to clean the floors (although these concrete floors never look clean no matter how hard you scrub!)  My dish water is minimal, maybe only 3cm in depth of a regular-sized wash-basin whereas in England it'll be pretty much full.  I'm not sure how I'll be affected during the dry season here - apparently water runs very scarce…not something I"m looking forward to!

The list is pretty endless, I have written before about 'being patient' (the art of waiting), greetings and even my ongoing battle with being harassed for money/food/attention - i guess this is life though, learning to adapt whilst maintaining your beliefs.  That's a question I am constantly asking:  When/what do you compromise to fit into a society that is not your own?  There's being culturally sensitive but what if that conflicts with your own beliefs?  Do you turn a blind eye?  I know what the bible says but it's often easier said than done.  So perhaps that's my final 'the art of…' for today - the art of knowing when to draw the line.

Playing Catch-up

Sorry for not writing for a bit – school holidays are somewhat strange.  I arrived here in Rwanda nearly 3 MONTHS AGO now, we had our induction in Kigali and then were sent off to our work places with only a month left of term (2 weeks of which were taken by internal and national exams.)  So I'm currently half-way through a 2month holiday!  (Although technically I am still contracted to work unless I apply for leave.)

Throughout November I diligently went to school every day despite there being NO students nor staff and I sat in my TRC (teaching resource centre) and attempted to motivate myself to make resources.  I wasn’t as productive as I’d hoped but I managed to make a few rice-sack posters, letter templates, games and flashcards.  The problem was the lack of resources I had to make these things in the first place – so it meant a couple of trips into town to buy basic items like scissors, tape, markers, pencils – things we take for granted back home.  (Susan W. where are you when I need you? – I appreciate you so much more now for keeping the CC stationery cupboard so well stocked!)

My rice-sack Snakes and Ladders - with beer bottle top counters...

Last week I had a visitor – MY FIRST!  It was great to have Tash, a fellow volunteer come and experience my Rwanda.  She got the full on village experience from a packed bus back to Cyahinda followed by random children running to hug your legs; washing without taps/shower and basin; using my now infamous pit latrine; locals inviting themselves around with little to no notice…oh and the 5.30am wake-up call of the umuganda man :)

Here Tash is making resources in my TRC - evidence that we were working!

The weekend was then spent in Rusizi where I had such a great time I’ll be returning again for Christmas!  Rusizi lies on the boarder of the DRC – it is separated by the stunning Lake Kivu and is/was a 5 hour journey from Cyahinda.  Our hosts, yet more volunteers were FAB – particularly Becks who organized a forest trek.

 Lake Kivu with DRC on the other-side...

The Rusizi contingent + Tash (Glyn, Steph, Becks & Mary)

Nyungwe Forest is the oldest Rainforest in East Africa (I might be making this up…but I’m sure that’s what our guide, Claude said!)  Due to it’s location, it was likely to have survived the ice-age with the ferns dating back to the Jurassic period (apparently?!)

I really did not pack very sensibly for Rwanda – needless to say, I own no hiking gear here (not that I ever have done…)  I turned up to trek the rainforest in jeans, a handbag and trainers – whereas everyone else had hiking trousers, boots and rucksacks – am very thankful to Mary who lent me a pair of light-weight hiking trousers.  Still, my £9 trainers supported me enough not to fall despite the somewhat impossible terrain that we had to walk/climb through/up.  So that’s one more thing to add to the list when I eventually return home to stock up on goodies – hiking/walking gear!

The scenery was simply spectacular.  I will let the photos speak for themselves although they really don’t do it much justice.

Walking through the tea plantation

Heading towards the rainforest...

Crossing the bridge that was blocked by a fallen tree

The joys of the terrain we had to tackle…I did this on my hands and knees I think!  :)

But this is what we came to see…the waterfall :)

 

I loved the heart shape cave

Yes, that's a snake - an adder

We treated ourselves after our 4.5hour trek with a drink at the 5* Nyungwe Lodge which made me reminisce back to the days of living in HK and taking weekend trips around S.E Asia to 5* resorts…a far cry to where I am today.  A few of us have decided that this is where we’ll spend Christmas next year – just as a treat.  (Got to get saving then…)  It's set right in the heart of the tea plantations - so serene, simply beautiful!

Inside the hotel lobby...I want this on my wall!

It was lovely to spend time with the other volunteers.  It’s amazing how quickly people can bond and have done so here.  Throughout my lifetime I have always been blessed with people whom I have been able to experience ‘life’ with – the highs and lows – and in this chapter of my life, I’m happy to say that God continues to provide. 

I have not done this in a while but here are my prayer requests:

• That my Kinyarwanda may develop enough to be able to get to know my neighbours/community a bit better (or perhaps that I’m motivated to study! – My Kinyarwanda teacher has set me homework to write about my time in Rusizi and instead I’m writing this blog – I’ve actually done it inadvertently here, just not in the right language!)
• I still haven’t made it to a church service yet but pray for time to spend with God – it’s so easy to fill my apparent ‘free time’ with mindless things!
• My tolerance levels for people begging or asking me for money/food is wearing thin – I guess to pray for patience and love where it is due.  To know how to respond with sensitivity and compassion.  Some days are better than others…

• My suspicions about VSO moving me into a bigger house (see a few posts down) have been confirmed - a new volunteer will arrive in January and whilst I am sure it will be lovely having a house-mate, I am somewhat anxious as I am very much someone who likes my own space.  Still, the new house is relatively big…

And that's pretty much me for now…thanks for reading folks!